PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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