Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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