the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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