At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
