shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
