Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My bed smells like the plague
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