I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize