My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
a search helicopter?!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
