Please, let me fuck your mom
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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