Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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