I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
