We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
