also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
