I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize