i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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