She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
