I feel like I'm in dance class right now
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
