just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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