I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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