Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
