YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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