I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
