Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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