dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
