Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
it's like iHOP with fire
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I could fuck to npr.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
