I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
