Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize