I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
