Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
