isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize