waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
