He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
