Please, let me fuck your mom
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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