We're like a lot better than the average bears
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
