she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
NoShamevember. You game?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
