watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
