I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize