I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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