Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
