hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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