p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
