her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I intend to get homeless drunk
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
