I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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