yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just cropdusted the office
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
