please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
