I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
