I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Found your dick twin last night
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize