Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
