1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
