I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
