Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
