Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Randomize
