I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i think i have herpe
just one?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize