There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
