I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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