Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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