btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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