Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
