if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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