I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
being pregnant is like rehab
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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