You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
