How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
