My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have post one night stand depression
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
