Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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