You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How external is "for external use only"?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
