maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
