I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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