Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
