I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
