jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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