my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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