Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
