Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize