This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
