well you can't waste a boner
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
