he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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