after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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