i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just found a bag of teeth...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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