No subtext here. People are naked.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
