just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize