it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So I just went to clothing optional bar
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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