That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He passed out mid-signature
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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