Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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