i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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