He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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