apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
