i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
wow bdsm is so cute
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
