so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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