So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
