I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
