rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
