Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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