My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
