she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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