Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
And then my night got REAL pukey
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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