Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
