For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We need to get me chipped asap
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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