Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
