i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
