Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
