Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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