guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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