When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
