I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
