cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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