I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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