good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
